The cycle of violence can happen many times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in the relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is present in all three stages.

A person does not need to have experienced the following behaviors to be in an abusive relationship. These are some examples of abusive behaviors. There are many more not listed.

 

Batterer may:

Partner may:

Phase 1: Tension Building Phase

  • Pick fights
  • Act jealous & possessive
  • Criticize, threaten
  • Drink, use drugs
  • Be moody, unpredictable
  • Be crazy-making
  • Feel like she’s walking on eggshells
  • Try to reason with the batterer
  • Try to calm the batterer
  • Try to appease the batterer
  • Keep silent, try to keep children quiet
  • Feel afraid or anxious

Phase 2: Crisis Phase

  • Verbal Abuse
  • Sexual Assault
  • Physical Abuse
  • Increase control over money
  • Restrain partner
  • Destroy property, phone
  • Emotionally Assault
  • Experience fear, shock
  • Protects self & children
  • Use self-defense
  • Call for help
  • Try to flee, leave
  • Pray for it to stop
  • Do what is necessary to survive

Phase 3: Calmer Phase

  • Ask for forgiveness
  • Promise it won’t happen again
  • Stop drinking, using drugs
  • Go to counseling
  • Be affectionate
  • Initiate intimacy
  • Minimize or deny abuse
  • Forgive
  • Return home
  • Arrange for counseling
  • Feel hopeful
  • Feel manipulated
  • Blame self
  • Minimize or deny abuse

Adapted from L. Walker, The Battered Woman, Harper and Row, New York, 1980.

 

BACK TO TOP

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

SOPHIA'S HOUSE MAIN PAGE